Is this really what its like?

Feburary
The first 3 months of the pregnancy were like a cake walk compared to what was about to come. I was tired and cranky, but no morning sickness. I was a little bummed when I wasn't having strange food cravings. I always thought that would be the fun part, eating weird stuff whenever you wanted. No late night runs to the store, no making Nick run to fast food places, what was the fun in this if I didn't get to have some crazy food.  I did have a particular liking to Jimmy Dean crossiant breakfast sandwiches, just never at 2am.
The smell of some foods can send a girl out the door so darn fast. I remember on one of the many nights we spent at my parents house for dinner, my Mom made cheeseburger mac hamburger helper. I almost vomited on the table. Its been 2 years and I still can not stand the smell of any kind of hamburger helper.

Around mid-Feburary we scheduled our first major appointment with the doctor. Nick took the day off work, we were going to hear the hearbeat of our little baby. Being pregnant causes this horrible thing called, Preggy Brain. I knew what time the appointment was, and I had for weeks. We get to the office and the bitch of a receptionist begins to tell me how I am 10 minutes late and they need to reschedule. I cried. Right there, Full blown temper tantrum. It was a big day to me. It somehow was supposed to signifiy that Yes, I really did have another human being inside of me. Never have I been overcome by emotion in such a way like that. Everything that day, Friday Feburary 13, yes I rememebr the exact date, went so terribly wrong for me. I don't think I had ever cried so much as I had on that day. Feeling emotional and therefore powerless to the extent of the emotion, is something I hated. I felt controlled by what seemed to be some outside or for that matter inside, force.
The next Monday I changed doctors. Doctor Kort was one only obgyn approved on my insurance, and his wife was the only midwife. She couldn't get me in to be seen, so it was a quick and easy choice. I remember laying there feeling huge, though I had only actually lost 10 pounds at this point not even gained any, and when the Doc came in I knew he was going to get me through that process. I felt comfortable with him and knew I had made the right decision to change doctors. We heard Joey's heartbeat for the first time. I cried only a little after leaving the office. That day sealed in the future. There was no going back from here.